Chapter 18: Chin up. Chin up. Chin up.

Hey! How are you? I hope great. I hope when you are reading this, you are in a sweet spot of Zen and calm. If not, then I hope you read this and find it in the next seven-hundred plus words.

It’s been awhile since I posted about my journey. “Avoiding the Unavoidable” was a dark place. Really dark place. It came during the time about three years ago, when I couldn’t stand to begin my story.

(Remember- my story is told chronologically, as it was written when I was in the process of unwinding myself from almost ten years of consistent verbal, emotional, financial, physical and sexual abuse. It is also written when I was deciding my healing would include speaking the truth about my abuse on this new platform called Safe In Harm’s Way.)

Chapter 17 is about three years old. Chapter 17 is a toddler figuring out her place in the world and how to walk and run in it, without falling. Only the falls come often and she still needs a great deal of safety watching and holding hands. Check out a previous link for Avoiding the Unavoidable and you can see how dark the time was and how searching for the light in the world was still new for me.

We are taking a momentary time warp, kinda like a cool time traveler. Why? Some editors at our web hosting platform have decided that here is a good point to talk about the good times of Marc and me. The people helping me write this, are really concerned that the reader, who now has a tiny glimpse into Marc’s huge and gaping chasm of abuse. These fine folks fear you all will stop reading because I am so stupid for having stayed. Editors asked me to tone down the abuse, because it was just too ugly and nasty to read. Editors informed me that the public would not be interested to hear what a stupid woman had to say unless I wrote about what a great guy Marc was. (Stay with me, please. There is a bright light to this part of the story, and if you don’t like a good cliff-hanger, you can jump to the end of this Chapter.)

Oh? Huh! So editors calling me stupid, and asking me to tone down my story. Then, they served up a huge pile of stinking bullshit called victim blaming, which overflows with piles of shame upon a survivor. Finally, they called out all the survivors who can’t yet leave an abuser as weak and ugly and no one cares about them.

All their support focused not on me, but rather on the man who:

• Looked me in the eyes to make heartfelt promises
• Claimed to love me with an intense love that everyone envied
• Created a fake life, making me think it was beautiful and built for an eternity
• Who cried, and begged for forgiveness when the abuse happened
• Promising to never do it again
• Don’t even get me started on the sexual and physical abuse he issued via multiple affairs with all kinds of people- the abuse he was subjecting me to and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT!

Yes. I’m supposed to make the reader not blame me for staying, when I knew nothing about the rotting and puss oozing fake soul I was sleeping next to and completely in love with.

And I need to now take a pause from the previous year’s work, jump to the present and talk about the good times of love, committed monogamy (well, on my part) and beautiful life we had.

It is an interesting point to write this considering my sweet parents, children and friends are still deal with Marc’s continued stalking.

Really?!?! We are years out, dude. Grow up, gain a pair, and LEAVE ME AND MY FAMILY ALONE. (Click next door for information about stalking.)
Because we are laughing at you and your insanity, Marc. We live with being #IntentionallyFearless in spite of your harassment.

We know we are safe and will continue to be safe. It took a lot of therapy, and work to crawl through a level of deep sadness and ugliness, and consequently you’re not in our thoughts until you rear your ugly stalking head. What do we do then?

We have momentary flashes of pain, but end up knowing we are so much better being away from you. We have the police, neighbors, friends and federal internal police agencies all aware of your motives and actions. We have piles of evidence. Finally, we have multiple angel (we like to refer to them as Bus Drivers) sources that have kept a steady feed of your decades-long activities, and the evidence keeps coming despite the years.

So we smile, skip, dance and be #IntentionallyFearless in how we live our life. We can’t stop. We won’t stop. Even in the face of danger, stalking, harassment and fear.

Honestly, healing is not a one and done. It is a process and sometimes that process is full of starts and stops. Here I am several years out of the deep and dark place of avoidance, and forced to pivot when Marc stalked again. And again. And again. “But wait… Maya, write about how good Marc was,” while completely forgetting every single component of him was lies and intentionally done to keep me around longer so that he could inflict more abuse. Good times? Ha! There weren’t any when looking through the knowledge of what was discovered.

Please give yourself grace, gentle readers. If you’ve ever been shamed by people in your working world or personal world, know that you are not alone there either. Also, know you have a choice to walk away from those people, too. If you’re healing from abuse, violence, lies, deceit, or really trauma in any form, please know it’s OK to check out the following list. It’s the new version of healing tactics that comes from time and therapy.

And I am so happy because the list is health focused, and grace giving. It shows incredible growth in how to handle trauma and I have to say, I am incredibly proud of the list now vs. years ago. Here we go:

• Stop.
• Meditate.
• Pause.
• Dance.
• Find a counselor. Go often.
• Walk one mile. Then two the next day. Then three the third day. Repeat.
• Nap.
• Write.
• Drink ONE glass of wine. (Unless you’re in a 12-step program. Please, call your sponsor if you’re feeling like a drink or using your substance of unhealth.)
• Not entertain fools.
• Fall in love, or at least very deep like.
• Flirt.
• Meditate. (In fact, let’s add “meditate” about 41 more times!)
• Share my story.
• Fall.
• Pray.
• Get back up.
• Believe in the mantra that you are worthy of a great life, wealth, love, opportunity and magic.
• Be present.
• Say thank you to every event in my life.

This list here is a great way to heal. It’s flipping the narrative on a negative loop in my head and choosing to give honor and grace to my life. It’s also a partial list to gain health. Do you have any? Send them to us at info@safeinharmsway.org. Help folks out with your own tools for healing.

Me? Well, I took time off to really think and meditate before I decided to write about the good times, so you would all still like me and not think me stupid (can you tell the phrasing used to pitch this idea did not sit well with me? You’d be right!)

I walked the soil in different countries. I danced with strangers. I sang music loud and clear for all to hear. I ate amazing food. I drank great wine. I flirted with cute men. I held hands with my dearest friends and I laughed until I peed my pants. (Seriously. It was kinda embarrassing, but I had on black leggings, so it was covered up and the show went on pretty great.)

I also laid by the pool and drank Pina Colada drinks with salt on the rim. It’s delicious and it’s called a “Salty Jennifer” and it was awesome. Add the rum floater on top- BOMB! Spa treatments. Long walks with friends. Dinner and hanging out with my kids. Handsome men walking me home. Long slow dances with eyes locked.

I counted my blessings. Every single thing is a blessing, even when it hurts and you feel like life is over and you can’t go on.

Find a blessing. It’s there. Then, count it as gratitude and be thankful for it. Hand to God, when you do- MAGIC HAPPENS. The most magical solutions manifest in a state of gratitude. I’m not saying it will be instant. My experience shows, it takes dedication and practice.

Never once did I think about Marc, even when facing continued stalking. And the epiphany was AMAZING when it was time to finally write Chapter 19. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

When you’re facing trauma healing, there is plenty of opportunity to practice until you get it right. And the more you do it, the less your abuser matters.

So, I’m explaining this all to just level set. Trauma healing is hard. So if you need to hear it today, please pretend that I’m bringing along a marching band and fireworks as I say it again.

“HEALING FROM TRAUMA IS HARD!”

But I believe in you, and I have personal experience with years of progress. Plus, Safe In Harm’s Way is offering all kinds of resources and the world is slowly changing. How? The team at Safe In Harm’s Way gave me access to check the stats of their effort.

Ummmmmm… want to know how cool we are? We have about, on average, 2500 people who check out our website in a week and we are not even four months old. We have growing followers on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. We have companies willing to partner with us on our efforts. We have complete strangers using our hashtags. (Look it up!! #MorningPrayerDance or #IntentionallyFearless or #ConfidentCourage or #WarriorWords or #PlatinumPlatterLife)
Amazing!

So, if little old Maya Jane can believe in you and the company we keep is investing in our efforts… then, there are others that believe in you, too.

Amazing!

(Side note: I check on the website, and any person who has enrolled I add to my prayer list. Every person who has checked out an article, but not yet enrolled; I pray for them, too. My main form of prayer is dance, so know I boggie down for ya’ll every darn day. I’m lifting you up on every step you’re taking on your own path. I got you, Boo!)

Do the hard work that it takes to get better and declare today:
“I am about to walk into the greatest season of my life.” And now- most importantly #ClaimIt
Sending you love and light and magic….always magic.

Oh!!! I almost forgot. Those people who told me I needed to talk about the good times with Marc, or my readers would leave me and think I was a stupid woman. Well, the team at Safe In Harm’s Way decided “Nope. We support YOU, Maya!!” The entire team left the old website provider, and landed with Digital Lagoon. They love us as much as we love them, and they even wrote about Safe In Harm’s Way and our CEO, Caroline Markel.

Peace, belief in the right people coming along, and magic… always magic,
Maya

P.S. This is my story. I am white. I speak English as my primary language. I also know men, people of color, people who identify in the LGBTQ+ community, immigrants and people who have English as a second language face abuse, too. Safe In Harm’s Way is looking for those stories to highlight, too. Please contact them at: info@safeinharmsway.org. We would be honored for you to share your story as yourself or anonymously. Safe In Harm’s Way never wants you to feel alone. Why? Because we know that survivors of abuse are not stupid. We know survivors are the most badass humans ever, because they choose to face healing every single day. Survivors invest big and believe. It’s why it’s hard for them to leave. Safe In Harm’s Way engages to give tools so that the individual on the pathway gets to choose their next moment. Whether personal or professional, if someone shames you for your story- THEY DON’T DESERVE TO BE IN YOUR LIFE.

***You don’t need to be at peace with all the facts, there is MORE to you than that.
***But you do have to do the hard work and ACT to heal, without living in anger and dreaming of retribution.