Chapter 17: Avoiding the Unavoidable

There’s no load I can’t hold
Road so rough, this I know
I’ll be there when the light comes in
Tell ’em we’re survivors
Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you’re going my way
I want to drive it all night long

THIS song. THIS?!?!? Yes.
It’s playing in my head; old school time for Tom Cochrane’s “Life is a Highway” circa 1991.
The Liberation of Maya Jane Clark Channel for Safe In Harm’s Way is my story.
Me. Maya.

And right now it’s this song in my head, with the lyrics above, that I can’t stop playing on repeat. Loud. I’m dancing, too. I paused for 4:20 to dance my personal groove. Honest? I will admit it could be an attempt to avoid publishing these next several installments. (I’m afraid. Really afraid.)

I don’t want to lose you, folks. Remember the previous installments? There will be no tonic added to the vodka. Nothing to water down the truth. Don’t turn away, please. Face it with me and let’s use the information to heal ourselves, others, change the world, etc, etc, etc, etc. All those really important things Safe| In Harm’s way wants to accomplish.

Because it’s about me. Maya.

But it’s hard. There have been almost four actual weeks since I last published within the app. Why? Healing takes time. I want to be honest about that process. I’ve written over 500 articles now for this channel over the past few years. However, actually re-living the events and PUTTING IT OUT FOR THE WORLD TO READ can make me avoid clicking on the “publish now” icon. I will send 17 new chat messages to the team before I even type one word.

When that happens, I am thrown back and I can feel the pressure weigh me down. Do you ever feel that way? Like life’s pressures are a 3/4 inch thick iron bar, and a blacksmith is trying to use high heat and quarter turns to twist the bar around your head, until the force is squishing your face together. Kinda like I used to do- with my hands, in the mirror, back when I was a kid. Remember? And you try and talk, but your lips are one big pucker and speaking makes you giggly because the words sound so silly speaking from your squishy lips. Yea, pressure like that. But with an intense amount of burning-fire pain.

Only now, I’m not giggling in the mirror. I’m doing grown up actions. I have outlined my own personal “to do” list format below. Why? Because during the dark moments of healing, this seems to be my regular list. And, since I’m a gal who likes to accomplish a “to do” list”… man oh man, I’ve become an expert!

HEALING IS HARD TO-DO LIST:

• Drink a few bottles of wine
• Hide
• Pray
• Heal
• Attend and honestly participate in therapy
• Drink too much
• Buy too much
• Say yes to events and then cancel
• Visit your parents who are now in a nursing home
• Sneak cigarettes with your BFF
• Spend hours on Facebook
• Don’t work out
• Meditate
• Light candles and incense
• Nap
• Rearrange your entire home, including move all pictures
• Patch holes from above ^^^
• Organize every napkin ring holder into separate bins based on time of year and holiday
• Laugh, mostly when it’s inappropriate
• Dance, skip
• Eat too much
• Order a second order of french fries and add A LOT of salt
• Fall in love
• Drink almost 8 glasses of full-pour wine when your Dad (Lewy Body Dementia arrived, and promptly went full tilt, once he found out all about Marc) calls crying because he is so afraid Marc will find you and hurt you
• Travel to five different continents, and 9 different countries
• Excel in your job
• Stink at your job
• Often wonder “did I brush my teeth today?”
• Wear your pajamas to brunch and don’t care
• Get your international travel TSA Pre-Check
• Snuggle in a blanket nest with the man you love and download UberEats (over tip because you’re so happy with this new service!!!)
• Ugly cry
• Get your international driver’s license
• Connect and reconnect with friends you love
• Work out
• Be overcome with so much gratitude you feel as if you’re the most amazingly fortunate person in the world

WOW! Well, look at that. This list has been on repeat now for several years, and the past couple months were no exception. But, look at it. Really, really look at it. There’s a whole lotta good mixed in with the heavy force of healing. Remember that. Apparently, I needed to remember that HUGE!

Do you know what else Tom Cochrane sings over the harmonica notes in the background?

A misunderstanding once, but now
We look it in the eye

There was no misunderstanding; Marc knew exactly what he was doing and I knew nothing. Looking it in the eye, Tom? Really? Jerk.

To-do list has been completed AGAIN, and it’s time. No hesitation. Tom Cochrane has called to me from almost 27 years ago and it’s time to look it in the eye.

Life’s like a road that you travel on
When there’s one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There’s a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won’t hesitate, break down the garden gate
There’s not much time left today

Peace, healing, music and magic… always magic,
Maya

There is 24/7 immediate assistance for you, your children, and your pets. Please text START to 88788 or you can always call 800-799-SAFE (7233). You can even hop online at: thehotline.org and chat with a live person. The SAFE hotline is always free, and able to accommodate 140 languages.

Zero judgment here. Only help. Plus, a firm belief in helping one person, one moment at a time.

See above as to why^^^

Now give a listen.
(Please read our Privacy Policy. Safe In Harm’s Way has paid good money for their team of lawyers, we don’t want to waste the effort!)