Chapter 5: Cartwheels of Life- Enough Abuse to Make You Dizzy

Hello, all! It’s Maya.

I hope that the day finds you reading this in a happy and healthy state of mind. Me? I’m doing OK.

Today is a jumping off point, only about a couple years after the fact. Flashing back and facing forward at the same time; my head is spinning.

I’m feeling slightly dizzy and a little unsteady on my feet, like I use to when babysitters would challenge us to cartwheel races; upside down and round and round. We would race across three lawns by cartwheel, to the randomly established finish line. The winner was crowned, and slightly unable to stand up straight. I will admit my hair is currently as crazy and tangled as it was after those races, too. Consequently, I feel a bit like I’m standing in front of my childhood home and just finished as the winner; unkempt, dizzy, wild hair. But I won!! (Hmmmmm, were these cartwheel races the beginning of my competitive streak? Yeah, maybe!).

We are about to dissect the truth of discovering abuse. It’s in the form of letters to friends, and diary entries.
WAIT!! WAIT!! WAIT!! I just felt a huge eye roll and exasperated sign throughout the universe. Please let me explain.
Writing good old fashioned letters was a way to break down everything I was discovering. Smaller portions. It was too much for me at the time, and honestly, it was too much for them. Too much all around. Those closest to me could not fathom the level of disease and despair. The reality I faced, the truths that kept coming at me, and all the healing that took place (and continues to take place) will all be fleshed out over the course of my time with you.

Here’s the deal, though… the letters and diary entries are the originals. This is key. It has to be. (My first born tendencies to be perfect are getting the better of me. Yikes! Makes my skin itch, folks!) It doesn’t matter what I would find out later, over the course of years, about Marc and his family. It doesn’t matter what other events unfolded over the years from the moment of discovery. We can hash all that out later.

All that matters NOW in our journey together, is this is how I explained the situation to my closest friends THEN. Consequently, this is how I am choosing to explain it to our Safe In Harm’s Way readers (that’s you, peeps!); the same way my friends found out back when it occurred.

Now. Then. Back to now. Dizzy, yet?

Hold on. Get ready to cartwheel race towards a finish line that is still being randomly set. It will make you laugh, cry when you fall, and finish the race worn out and dizzy… but all in one piece. Promise.

Cartwheels, love, safety and magic… always magic,
Maya

I can’t wait for you to hear the soundtrack to this Chapter. I LOVE Amy!!

But first, I want to remind you, this is my story. I dance the Pony like a 1985 white girl at prom. I speak English, and dabble in Spanish and French with my Babble App. I also know men, people of color, people who identify in the LGBTQ+ community, immigrants and people who have English as a second language face abuse, too. Safe In Harm’s Way Foundation, Inc. is looking for those stories to highlight, too. Please contact them at: Info@safeinharmsway.org. They would be honored for you to share your story as yourself or anonymously. Safe In Harm’s Way never wants you to feel alone. We are here.

SOUNDTRACK:
Amy Winehouse “Me and Mrs. Jones”

Ms. Amy Winehouse. Does it get any better with her haunting voice and lyrics? For this particular article, I think not.
Here is the deal with our music suggestions- it’s meant as a sound track. Maybe the entire song fits the groove, or maybe a few lyrics within the song or maybe just the vibe. I will make sure to call out the “why” of selection. But the really cool thing is your opinion. What song do you think would fit, too? Better? Why? We can start to create a musical dialogue and I have to admit the thought makes me very happy to collaborate in that way.

LYRICS:

Why this song? It’s the opening lyrics (sorry, expletive warning here) because the more I discovered about Marc and his family, the more the phrase kept coming into my head. On repeat. LOUD! Plus, I like the middle verse which goes a little something like this:

No, you ain’t worth guest list
Plus one of all them girls you kiss (all them girls)
You can’t keep lying to yourself like this (to yourself)
Can’t believe you played yourself (out) like this