Chapter 15: Tilt Toward The Good Guys

Janey, my dearest dear:

Thanks for the call and feedback about my plan. Thanks for agreeing to hold my hand. Love you, girl. Like for sure. Like way more than I ever expected forty years ago. I got me a plan, and I need YOU!

It’s agreed!! We can do better my friend, we can do better. The way the world spins round and round, why can’t we have it tilt toward the good guys, by being the good guys?

I’ve been working on resources and information for women like me because here is the deal- technically Marc hasn’t broken any laws. I’ve been to the police who tell me that while all the correspondence is sick and disgusting, there have been no laws broken. (Apparently, the law hasn’t caught up to the freedom of speech the internet brings.) I’ve talked to lawyers and the FBI who are all helping me try and find additional evidence that he can be prosecuted with. Great folks. I’m in good hands, and they are trying so hard to help me. But because I have no physical evidence of the night I can’t remember and because I wasn’t actually harmed by anyone who approached me based on his information, I can do NOTHING!

Nothing!

He can continue to post whatever he wants and it is all considered free speech. Do a quick google search and you can find numerous instances of people on Craigslist intent on harming others, in just the same fashion as Marc did to me.

I’m busy writing letters. I’m going to lobby Congress. I can hold my own with the smartest of the smart in my numerous jobs, then surely I can get in front of folks and pester them enough to change some laws. If I band together with even .05% of the 448 million victims from the plethora of secret on-line hookup sites, then I have roughly 22,400,000 people who can start to skip with me and hold hands. I have plenty of time. I intend to live a long and happy life with bright red lipstick always perfectly applied.

So, I will break this story, the accompanying statistics, the “how to” guidebook and resources into one book of essays and slowly, slowly change the world into a better place for our future. Maybe I will save a life or two along the way. Maybe someone reads my book and suddenly their personal lens of “which is more clear” becomes crystal.

Heck, I’m even willing to broadcast my story. My lawyer is working on lingo to help facilitate that information and ensure my safety. I am telling everyone I know. I’m practicing out loud so the words can be heard without too many tears. Helping others to be safe could change the world one family at a time.

I was in hiding. Now I am not. I can’t be any longer.

In the time it took me to draft this email, I received the results on my medical tests. My Nurse Practitioner is the latest addition to my list of smart people I am thankful for.

After she told me the results of my latest round of medical testing for sexually transmitted diseases, she started to cry on the phone. I started to cry on the phone. There was silence for about 10 seconds and then she quietly said, “I hate him for you.”

So tomorrow, I now intend to call in sick to work, stay in bed, eat a bag of nacho chips (maybe the Cheetos Hot, too), and drink a bottle of vodka. Tonight I am touched by another human who extended empathy and kindness as my world once again crashed around me. This collection of essays and information could offer empathy to any one of the millions who silently walk in my same shoes. A picture that emerges of any possible woman within the words to say, “me, too.”

Tomorrow, I also intend to find out who muttered, “it can’t get any worse”, and maybe slap them. You know… kinda hard.

Let me know what you think, Ms. Janey. I’d like someone to proofread my stuff. I have plenty of essays written, I’d need someone to help me find my voice. I’ve been writing stories and working the stories to cross reference with calendar affirmations, my horoscopes, text messages from Marc himself and the fabulous friends who offered encouragement at my darkest moments.

When the time is right, would you be interested in giving me feedback on a story or two? Help me find the right cadence and format? This needs to be heard. I’m the gal to do it.

Peace, napkins for your orange fingers, health, and magic… always,
Maya

Well, I didn’t really drink a bottle of vodka, but I put on a good drunk. Do you find yourself drinking too much to cover the pain? There are more horrible side effects to your drinking. Alcohol affects your breast health if you’re female. You’ve survived abuse by people who claimed to love you. It’d be a shame if cancer snuck up and gotcha! Check out this article about Alcohol and Women. There is a reason it’s a worldwide network. Check out Alcoholics Anonymous here.

SOUNDTRACK:
Tears for Fears, Everybody Wants To Rule the World

Lyrics:

Welcome to your life
There’s no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you

Acting on your best behavior
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world

It’s my own design
It’s my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most