Confidence Is Key: You Don’t Have To Be Perfect Honey

Hey, it’s Caroline here. I am the Founder and CEO of Safe In Harm’s Way. I am really feeling the vibe lately of finding serenity in my own journey escaping from abuse, and healing in the after. I’ve decided to start calling it “Joy and Pain 2023.”.

(Hint: Pain can be the physical pain of, “Oh!! My stomach hurts!” or absolute loathing because it hurts to think of how far I let myself slide in relationships.)

Seems only fitting to talk about emotions, because that’s what we do best here at Safe In Harm’s Way. We want to talk about the FEELINGS in your relationships which actually are the red flag feelings of unhealthy and toxic.

Why is healing joyful? 

I am learning new things during therapy.
I am breaking old patterns. 

I am taking really good care of myself more often. 

My body and brain really like feeling joy.

And…….

Inherent in all that joy is the really big pain of loathing myself. 

Why did I allow myself to stay in this relationship for so long? 

Why did I tolerate the man who claimed to love me, but actually was excited by his own rage toward me?
Why did I fall in love with him when he was such a horrible father?

Now, there were a million reasons why I didn’t leave.

Millions. Mainly, because he kept apologizing (insert The Last I’m Sorry), but it took me forever to realize his behavior never really changed. Next, because I fix things, and I really believed my love could fix him.

So I stayed. I kept believing his promises. He kept getting worse in his abuse.

Who wants those loathing thoughts flicking in their head. Not me. Not anymore.

Enter serenity and joy.

I have to remind myself of all the good things inside me that make me, well, ME. The brilliance of who I am is a bright and shining star, and now I get to keep healing, growing, loving, and laughing. So all the joy of learning to break patterns means that the look back is going to seem bigger and more gross because the NOW is absolutely freaking awesome.

Please remember this.

Looking back after you start healing, means that what was so rotten and evil in the relationship you escaped, WILL SEEM EVEN MORE ROTTEN AND EVIL now. This is normal. Do not loath yourself. Do not damage yourself. Do not demean yourself. Give yourself joy.

Give. Yourself. Joy.

Remind yourself that you’re a work in progress. Don’t look back too often, and when you do, give yourself a huge hug for healing; even if healing looks like brushing your teeth two days in a row. (Giving yourself joy is especially important if you are healing while still having to live with the person issuing abuse!) 

And hey, if you’re like me and someone you loved told you:

• You’re not good enough 
• You’re dumb
• No one likes you 
• No one will ever love you

Guess what?!? THEY LIED!! 

You are a beautifully healing, and joy-filled badass person, who deserves all the joy that healing brings.

You don’t have to be perfect, honey. Some days are going to be very joy filled, and some days joy comes from a three hour nap. You just have to act kind to yourself. (Insert link to healing ideas on website here)

Now take this week by the hand and show it who’s the BOSS. That’s right. YOU ARE.

You deserve a BIG, BOLD, UNAPOLOGETIC LIFE! You are WORTHY of all the good things life has to offer, including great people, incredible places, delicious food, unforgettable experiences, deep love, and robust health. We call this a #platinumplatterlife, and at Safe In Harm’s Way we are dedicated to helping you achieve it, no matter how long it takes.

If you’re having a hard time being kind to yourself, join our private Facebook group. Pop on in. Comment and let us know you’re having a bad day. We will rise to remind you how incredible you are. I will personally commit to telling you three incredible things about yourself. Promise. 

Wishing you peace, love, and magic (always magic!),
Caroline