Maya Clark’s children weigh in on surviving domestic abuse at the hands of Marc De’Saude. The Clark family talks a lot about trauma brain and how people can process the same experiences in very different ways.
The fall out from domestic abuse has far reaching effects on everyone involved. Here you will get a glimpse into the “how” from the adult children of Maya Jane Clark.
Hey guys, thanks for checking out my post on Safe in Harm’s Way! My name is Beth, I am Maya’s adult daughter, and while it is a bit scary to be vulnerable, I am eager to share my experiences with all of you.
It is important for me to write this submission (and any subsequent submissions) to share my views on how these various events, and specific events, unfolded as it relates to Marc’s deceit and abuse. It’s important because when trauma happens, it happens on a systemic level meaning it affects not only the person directly involved but also the entire family unit- more importantly it affects each person differently. There’s a really great quote from one of my favorite shows that talks about how it would be really great to have someone around all the time objectively recording your life, so if there were ever a fight or a misunderstanding you could play back the tape and know exactly what happened.
The quote goes on to talk about how that’s just not the case though and how everything we experience we experience through our own lenses. Those lenses, through which we experience our life, become our own truth about life or events. It is both possible and probable that if every single person (in my family for example) experienced the same life event, we would all have our own truth on what happened. That is because of these different lenses, and that’s okay. It is important as a family to be able to discuss our views and truths on certain things in an open and caring way. These conversations may be difficult but they are necessary in order to not only grow both individually and as a family unit, but to begin to heal from the trauma. To be heard as well as to listen.
During these upcoming submissions I will be talking about my truth and the lenses with which I viewed some things my mom, Maya, has written about. I have been fortunate enough to have a mother that honors my truth and encourages me to express that truth, so that others can also begin to learn how trauma can affect everyone differently.
These submissions will be raw and honest about what happened during that time, and additionally how things have continued to unfold. There will be difficult things but overall there is so much good that has come in the wake of all this deceit. Something my mom, Maya, talks about a lot is how people just kept showing up for us. How when we were at our lowest someone would send the perfect text, or the perfect song would come on the radio. We call those “nods/winks from the universe”, and it happens every single time, without fail.
When I talk about that time, the thought I keep going back to is- these events certainly should have altered my faith in humanity for the worse but instead made my faith in the goodness of people that much stronger. We talk so much about how thankful we are. Thankful for friends and family both blood and non-who have shown love, compassion, and helped empower us more than we ever imagined. We are thankful for friends who continue to show up and continue to reach out and thankful for continuous “winks” from the universe. We are thankful for each other, thankful to be woke, and so so thankful to be able to have really difficult conversations with each other. We are just getting started, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Take our hands and join us in the “after” of abuse, life is so much better! Let’s go change the world.
More to come,
Beth
We Three: Lifeline
Wish I believed the things I pray
9 times out of 10 they’re too cliche
What I wouldn’t give for a replay
2 a.m and still no sleeping
The numbers and figures don’t add up
But I’m not really sure if it matters
‘Cause lately life’s full of disasters
5 a.m and still no sleeping
